"First" It happens when both people are ready for it, even if one doesn't yet know it, but some luck is involved as well. She had worked in the department less than six months, cultivating a - correct - impression of being organized and motivated. Their relations were cordial but polite, and a bit formal. One day when no students or other faculty were around for some reason, their talk had unexpectedly turned to pornography. "I really can't see how anyone could read it," she had said. Marie, the obsessive cleaning lady, had found a porn book in a trash can in the men's restroom, and had brought it to her office to complain about students in general, about how she couldn't believe the things they did, and about how he, who had dropped by, should tell the Dean. He was the department chair and had no intention of doing that. After Marie left he had tossed it in her trash can. She had fished it out and read through it. "Because?" "It's so dumb! People can't do things like that, they don't look like that, there's no plot, they aren't endowed like that, it's so, well, how could anyone find it sexy?" He liked the way she stressed the word "endowed." It showed what she was thinking but not saying. She had, after all, read it. "Well..." He let the word hang in the air a moment. "Porn is mostly written by and for people who are horny anyway. It doesn't have to be very artful or believable to work for them. But ..." Again he let the word ride. "... there is some very nice porn. Call it erotica if you want. The difference is the quality." "But it's just sex! What's redeeming about it?" "It needs redemption? " "Now, you know what I mean. Do you think if you brought me some 'well written' erotica that I could find it interesting?" He didn't answer for a second, then said: "You know, as your supervisor I don't think I should have an opinion on that." "But seriously..." "But seriously, trouble like this is something I don't need. I'll tell you what I'll do, though. I can get you some better written erotica. If you'll write a note saying that you asked me to bring it to you I will. You might or might not enjoy it. Everyone is different. If you want to talk about it later that'll be your call. I won't bring it up or embarrass you." Of course she wrote the note. Then she stared after him while he walked back to his office. He got on line, printed off one of the very short stories by the writer named "Deirdre," about a young woman who stumbles onto a friend's hidden sexuality and discovers vast yearnings within herself, and walked it back to her, all within about ten minutes. When her mouth actually opened in surprise, his penis swelled. "This is an interesting, intimate little story, almost minimalist." He wrote down the web address and gave it to her, then left. The next few days he read her note a dozen times, while he waited for the thing he had ordered, a used, hardcover copy of "The Story of O." He handed it to her when no one else was around. "This is better known, and a bit meatier. We once had a friend we lent a copy to, whose husband tore it up when he caught her reading it. You don't need to return it." ============================================ How does it happen that one is introduced to something she'd never really thought about, but is then consumed by it as though she had been waiting for it all along? She'd read the Deirdre story quickly, then slowly, had folded it up to take home, then had read it again. She fantasized that she was that young woman. She didn't talk with him about it, and found herself wanting to avoid him. When he handed her "O" a few days later she barely thanked him and shoved it into her purse. After he left she started reading it in the office, then sneaked it home in her purse. She read it in the bathroom, in the living room after her husband was asleep, took it back to the office to read at lunch. She masturbated to the first whipping scene. She hadn't masturbated since she'd married. She liked sex, liked sex with her husband, but she'd never been obsessed with it before. Now she was thinking of it during the day, imagining experiences she'd never had. Late at night she logged onto porn story sites and devoured them. She was chronically tired. She had no one to talk to about this. The only one who knew anything didn't know the half of it, and he never brought it up. So finally, after just a few weeks really, she stepped through the door of his office. She thought they could talk because it was after Fall graduation, and while the students and most faculty were gone the offices were officially open. No one else was around. He smiled when he saw her, like he always did, but she was slow to get her words out and the smile became quizzical. "I did read the stories. They really were, ah, nicely written." She didn't know quite what to say. Certainly not that she was always horny and couldn't get enough stories, that she was considering things she'd never thought about. But she did want him to know. There was a very awkward silence. He broke the silence "I liked them, too. That's why I chose them." Some more silence. "There's more that you want to say." "Oh, no, nothing really." She saw him move his eyes away from her, as though he were considering something. He looked back. "Then I have one question. Did they arouse you?" She found she was holding her breath. "Well, yes. They did. But, uh, in reality the whipping and branding and, ah, everything was a bit much. I don't think people could really do that, not to that extent, not ... you know." She trailed off, waving her right hand in a vague way. "That's just fantasy. Real people get excited at a lot of things, but they can be more vanilla things, too, sometimes barely sexual. Little things can be doors into larger arenas." Talking like a professor. "Like for example?" She was holding onto the door for support. "Like for example." He rose and walked over to her. She almost panicked, but he stopped a few feet from her. "If you were to go into the bathroom, take off your bra and panties, and bring them to me, I would find it very exciting, and I think that you might, too." "Bring you my bra and panties." She was barely whispering. "No, I don't think so." "That's fine. But then let's stop this conversation." He sat back down. ============================================ She walked straight to the restroom, into a stall, and removed them. She was shaking. Then she went back to his office, tried to muster a smirk, and threw them to his desk while she said "Merry Christmas, big boy. This make you happy?" He picked up the bra and bit one cup, right where the nipple would have been. He looked at her the whole time. Then he picked up the panties. He held them to his nose and inhaled deeply. It was very quiet in there. "I want you to close the door." She just stared, seemed incapable of moving. "Do it now, please." She fumbled at the heavy old door, not a hard one to handle, and ended up slamming it closed. After the reverberations stopped he rose again and walked over to her again. He came in close this time, then had a hand behind her back and one at her chin, and then they were kissing. She let his tongue in right away, and sucked on it. He was playing with her breasts through her blouse, tracing soft circles on them with his fingers. She was against the door. He was talking. "I'm going to do things to you. You won't like all of them, but you'll let me do them anyway. Right?" She just nodded. "Now, I'm going to give you some little tests. No one knows about us. This isn't happening. If you object it'll really not happen. We'll go back to how we were. But if you pass the tests there's a world of desire waiting for us. Are you ready?" She nodded again. "Put your hands back against the door, over your head, and don't move them." She did it. He unbuttoned her blouse then took her nipples between thumbs and forefingers and squeezed as hard as he could. She gasped, closed her mouth and her eyes, made little squeaking noises in her throat, but held still. He squeezed for almost a minute. She started banging her rear against the door and shaking her head from side to side, but she held her arms still. He stopped, then sucked on her breasts, licked the nipples, nibbled on her white skin, knelt in front of her to kiss her belly, tongue her naval, give her little bites. He unsnapped and unzipped her slacks and pulled them down. He made her spread her legs. Because her pants were around her ankles she couldn't spread them straight out, so she had to hold her legs in a diamond shape. It was an ungraceful pose, and she had to stick her knees out and lean back against the door to hold it. He put his face up into her dark, but sparse hair and sucked on her pussy lips. She wanted to put her hands down on his head, but he slapped her hard on her thighs and made her put them back. He half rose for a second and whispered into her ear: "Do only what I say." The slaps left red handprints. He put a thumb up into her vagina, slippery and reddened, and worked her while he nibbled on the insides of her thighs. She was breathing very hard, her breath coming out as high-pitched whimpers. She was so hot. "Now kneel down in front of me." She knelt at his feet while he undid his slacks, and pulled them and his underwear down almost to his knees. She looked a little off to the side, rather than at his penis, and saw that one of his thighs was badly scarred. Then she looked at his penis, which waved right in front of her, much darker than his belly, curving upward from his almost straight pubic hairs. She stared at it like it was a snake. "Now you take the next step," he said. With his right hand he pulled down his penis so it was pointing at her, while he put his left behind her head and pulled slightly. Not enough pull to force her forward, just enough to show what he wanted. She wasn't an idiot. She knew what it meant to kneel down in front of a man's dick. She swallowed twice, licked her lips. When had she started breathing so shallowly? "Take it in your hand." She took it in her right hand. It was very warm; the top side where she pressed it down felt bony. She was looking straight at the hole, which held a tiny drop of glistening fluid, and now she was aware of a musky smell coming from - she wasn't sure where. But she'd never noticed it with her husband. She moved in closer and breathed it in through both her nose and mouth. Again. "Now pet my balls." He wasn't forcing her to commit all at once but was giving her easy commands that led to one conclusion. She took his balls, first linking her left thumb and forefinger around the sack above them, then sliding her palm and fingers over the whole sack. The hair was almost silky. She felt his testicles move on their own. She almost jumped, and a shiver went all the way through her. "Take it in your mouth." She stared at it for a moment, then moved up to it, placed her lips on the head and licked it softly. It was slightly bitter and sour. She moved back, then took it again. After a few licks the sour taste was gone. The musky smell was stronger down here. He was caressing her hair, pulling with very slight pressure. "Take it in deeper, now." She did. She began moving her head back and forth over the penis, but he stopped her. "No. Don't use your mouth as just a hole. Do this. Make a tight seal with your lips. I don't want to feel your teeth. Now suck. Yes, that's right. Take it in as far as you can. Keep sucking. Use your tongue and the roof of your mouth and your lips and your cheeks. Yes. Yes. Oh, that's right. Just move your head slowly back until only your lips and tongue are in contact, then take it all in again. Do it again. Tickle my balls while you do it. That's good. Keep doing it." This wasn't at all like the times she'd mouthed her husband's penis during foreplay. It was much more intense, with sensations she hadn't had before. She had never done anything so dirty. She tasted the rubbery head and felt the soft skin on the shaft with her lips and tongue. The penis was meaty and hot. She hadn't really known they throbbed so. She was looking straight into his belly and hair, smelling that smell. She made some sounds, little "mmph-like" noises, while he was silent except for his breathing and the occasional instruction. There was no other sound on the floor. She wanted him to take her to the couch and fuck her but was afraid he'd want to ejaculate into her mouth instead. She was right. He stopped her, using his hands on her head, grabbing her hair firmly. "Now you're going to finish me. You're going to make me cum." She started to pull back but he held her head. "Look at me. Look at me." She looked up into his face. "We won't get this chance again. If you stop, then get up and walk away. It's over -- permanently. You'll always regret what you missed. But if you stay you do what I say." He took his hands away from her head, and she didn't move away, but her eyes had become watery and red. She sucked him in deeper again. He stopped her and made her hold his penis in deep while he talked. "You're going to suck me until I cum. But don't swallow it. Not at first. Hold it in your mouth until I'm finished, then show it to me on your tongue. Then swallow it all." She didn't move away, didn't move at all for a minute. She eyes teared more. She looked down so he wouldn't see. Her nose ran a little and she snuffled. She really didn't know if she was still excited, but she was afraid she'd be sick. Then she made a resolve and started sucking more vigorously. His penis grew a bit wider and meatier and she felt it pulsating more. He put his hands to her head again and held her head while he moved his penis in deep, then back. "Keep sucking," he whispered. She felt the penis moving more, not at all like a hose, as she had always assumed, but like its own living thing, and then he gasped and moved his hips and it shot hot spurts of snot into her mouth. Not snot like she'd ever known, though. This was hot, and ropy, and tasted faintly of something like clorox. The first spurt hit her in the back of the throat and she coughed. Then she gagged while lesser spurts came only to her tongue. She made a noise showing she was about the vomit. "Hold it," he said between breaths, making his only groaning sound, all the while holding her head again. "Keep sucking, lightly." He was done in a few seconds, but held his penis in her mouth while her gorge rose and fell. Only her sucking saved her. Finally he pulled out. "Show it to me." She stuck out her tongue, covered with milky fluid, almost losing it at that point. The taste penetrated her nose, her sinuses, covered her whole mouth. "Now, swallow. Again. And again. Keep it down. That's good." Swallowing helped. Her eyes were wet and her nose ran, again. She kept swallowing and opening and closing her mouth to expel the taste. No luck. She knelt in front of him while he pulled up his pants -- tucking in his shirt -- then fastening and zipping them and buckling his belt. He pulled her up and did the same to her. She wondered what this meant. Something had passed. She couldn't look at him. She didn't know what she wanted. He stared at her for a minute, then opened the door and led her to the hall. "You have some thinking to do, about where we're going. It is up to you. When you make a decision, come talk with me." He went back to his desk, looked at her for a moment, then turned to his computer. She had been dismissed. =================================== Back in her office she fidgeted, sighed, cried. She was glad no one else was around. She couldn't have stood it. She couldn't get rid of the taste, the smell. Every time she blinked she saw the penis leading from her mouth to his lower belly. The feel of it kept intruding. The smell and taste of semen, though, were everywhere. She couldn't believe the pungency of it. Anyone would know what she'd done. She went into the restroom and washed her mouth out with water, then drank some, but it didn't help. She pushed two fingers to the back of her throat, but now that she wanted to she couldn't throw up. She went back to her office. After a bit she walked to the soft drink machine, then went to the restroom where she gargled again and again with diet Dr. Pepper, until finally the taste went away. In her office she sat perfectly still for a few minutes, her hands clenched on her desk. When she turned to look at the clock, her breasts moved and her nipples brushed against the cloth of her blouse. Then she started crying in earnest, dabbing tissue after tissue to her eyes. Oh what have I done? How could I do that? And he just pushed me out. Why? She had to confront him, but walking around the hall to his office her nerve oozed away and she went ever more slowly. Finally she was at his door. He was working at his computer, a fern and some purple plant behind him on the window seat. He looked up the moment she came through the door, not as focused as he had appeared. She wanted to say all the right things, but again started to cry. "How could you? How could you...?" He said, "Shut the door." She just stood there, so he got up, walked past her, and closed it himself. He took her shoulders in his hands and turned her toward him. "Look at me. Do it." It took her a minute to look up. He was staring into her eyes. He had a soft and somewhat sad expression, none of the smirking she thought she'd find. "How could you make me do that?" she asked. "I didn't. It was in your hands. You could have stopped any time. You wanted to do what we did. Don't be dishonest. I just took things further than you thought you were willing to go, but you were so wonderful and willing." He stared into her eyes. She looked down, then felt his face brushing the top of her hair. She didn't move. He was close, smelling her perfume, then kissing her hair, then her eyes, then her cheek, then her mouth. After a few minutes: "But you couldn't wait to get rid of me afterward." "No. I had to let you know that I am in charge when we are together, whatever we do. And making you leave made the point. I want to do all sorts of things with you, to you. I do. But you have to obey me, always." "Yes, uh, master." "That's enough of that crap. I don't want this to be like bad porn. Call me by my name. Anyway, I didn't want to send you out. I wanted to do this." He bent to unsnap and unzip her slacks. She went all goosey in her belly. He pulled her pants down and helped her step out of them. They were tight and it would have helped if he'd taken her shoes off first. He unbuttoned her blouse and helped her out of it, too. This was the first time she'd been completely naked in front of anyone but her husband, and she was surprised that she wasn't shy. She watched while he removed his own clothes. She thought he might make her kneel down again, but instead he lay her down on the couch and knelt between her legs. Her pussy lips were large, and now engorged. He sucked both lips entirely into his mouth before moving to just the left side, then to the right side. He moved up to her clitoris, and sucked it into his mouth. She whimpered, such a delicious sound. It made his penis surge again. He moved his hands up to her breasts, kneaded her nipples, moved his nails softly around the breasts just outside the aureoles, brought his nails softly down her abdomen to induce chill bumps, then pushed two fingers into her vagina. Her eyes were almost completely closed and swollen, her mouth open a little, and she was breathing in loud sighs and moving her pussy against his face. He put his left thumb into her vagina, which was very slick. After he pulled it out he lifted her hips a bit with his other hand, found her anus, and pushed his thumb into her. She grimaced and grunted a little, but didn't try to stop him or move away. He used this grip to hold her still, his face above her sex, until she stopped trying to move against his face. "Stay still. Hold yourself still or I won't go on." She groaned. "Okay, I will, I will." He continued sucking her nether lips while she worked to hold her hips still. He moved his thumb in and out of her ass, which must have hurt, as it made her go rigid and stop breathing for a moment. Then he moved his tongue back to her clitoris. She was delirious and made more grunting and little squeaking noises. Finally she could stand it no longer and moved her sex against his mouth. He rose from her. "No pleasure for those who don't follow orders." "Oh please, please. I'll try. I'm trying." "Say you'll be good. A good little girl." "I will. I'll be your good little girl. I will." When she said that the electric vibrations began, and she knew that she would orgasm in a moment no matter what he did. He held her down and licked her clitoris again and she came instantly. She cried out so loudly that he looked around, in case anyone else should hear her. He climbed on her and put his penis into her while she was still moaning, and started to fuck her. She was still cuming, still gasping, and when he began fucking in earnest she just turned her head back and forth and panted: "Oh, no darling, I can't, I can't." But she could, and did. And once again before he was finished. Then they lay together on the couch, he on top. The room was spinning around her and she was holding onto him to keep from falling. ========================================= At home she sizzled. She was hesitant around her husband at first, but then got kittenish. She dropped several things while making dinner. When he commented wryly, she said: "I'm such a bad girl. Are you going to spank me?" He grinned, whomped her on the ass with the newspaper, then put it in the recycling bin and went back to the 6-p.m. news. After dinner she curled up next to him on the futon, while he watched "The Simpsons." Homer and Marge were naked in bed, and it turned her on. She began to tickle his crotch. "Someone's sexy," he said, and started playing back. In bed, she said "I want to try something different," and she went down to his penis and took it into her mouth the new way. After a few minutes he pulled her up, lay her down on her side, and fucked her from behind. He fucked well and his penis was somewhat larger than the other's. They used a vibrator and she orgasmed again, but it wasn't the same. Later that night she lay quietly until he was asleep. She crept out to the dark living room. Even now the feel and taste of this afternoon stayed with her. She pulled off her panties. She stuck her left thumb into her mouth and sucked on it, moving it in and out of her mouth, while she frigged herself with two fingers of her right hand.