- Christmas 1937 - it was seven months since we'd met. That year there had been
Hindenburg tragedy and news of the terrible Stalinist purges. I wrote two
articles about these items and both were published. I was in my penultimate year
of my course and Ben suggested that I join The Times. "Ben, I would love it but I
won't  be hired just because we are friends. I'd prefer to join another
newspaper." "But why? You are a born journalist and you're smart. Why should The
Times lose you just because we are friends? That wouldn't be right!" "If The
Times wants me, I will accept. But you have to promise that you won't do anything
to make it happen." He looked at me, seriously, than said: "That's a fair point,
you are right and I promise. " Then continued "You are really unique, you know, 
and I'm  really lucky to have met you and to have you as a friend."

For the New Year I gave Ben  a book on the natural and artistic beauties of Italy
and he gave me a wonderful typewriter. At times it was difficult for me to be
near him: my body churned, a desire was lit within me such as I'd never
experienced before and it was becoming harder and harder for me to hide it from
him. (I didn't realise that he felt the same.) Up to this point he cared so much
about our friendship that he had kept his own desires in check rather than risk
losing it.

But finally, one day in the  middle of February 1938, something happened that
solved all our problems. I was in Benjamin's study, waiting for him to arrive,
and to pass the time I took a book from the bookcase, at random, and started to
read it. It was a private, complete edition of Oscar Wilde's "De Profundis". On
the first page there was an autographed dedication from Alfred Lord Douglas,
Oscar Wilde's famous lover, written so: "To my dear Benjamin, hoping he can find
the love I had with Oscar, but without as much sorrow." I read and read again the
dedication and my head was like a volcano: Did this mean, perhaps, that Ben
also... or  was there no connection at all? And yet the dedication seemed rather
transparent...

I didn't hear the door opening neither I did notice Benjamin enter, but when I
saw him near me I blushed and closed the book. Ben guessed, exactly from my
flushed face that I had read the dedication. He hesitated, then said: "You read
it, didn't you?" I nodded my heart in my throat. Ben stared into my eyes and, in
a low voice, said: "Now... you know about me. I too I am one of those that...
that live... the love that dares not speak its name..." I was silent, still
trying to assimilate this information in my brain. Ben continued: "Will... will
this change anything in our friendship?" At this point, I was making a real
effort to speak coherently and not  leap at him and embrace him for I knew that
just because he was a homosexual like me didn't automatically mean he would want
me.  So I answered in an even voice: "Yes... I hope it will." "You... you hope it
will? I don't understand..." "Ben, oh Ben! I'm... the same as you!" He looked at
me, at first astounded, then his face lit up and he seemed filled with 
happiness. He took the book from me, took one of my hands in his  and said, his
voice broken by emotion: "Andrew, my Andrew!" We embraced tightly. His lips
searched for mine and we kissed. Our bodies quivered and when we moved away, we
were both transformed. A kind of radiating aura came from his face: "Oh, God! For
months I've dreamed of this moment. For months my flesh has been burning with
desire for you and my heart filled with love for you, I haven't thought of
anything but you! Oh, my Andrew..." "It's been the same for me Ben. From the
first moment I saw you I wanted you. But at the beginning it was mainly a
physical desire, then as I got to know you, desire was transformed into love. And
it's been so hard to hide it from you!" "Why have we wasted so many months?" "No,
they weren't wasted. It's been a kind of long and unconscious... engagement. It's
allowed us to surpass the simple attraction, the bare physical desire, even
though they are so strong. Now, finally, I can say to you with full certainty: I
love you, Ben!" "Me too, me too I love you!" he said with moving enthusiasm. We
embraced again and kissed and each of us felt excitement and desire rise in the
other and we were full of happiness. "I need you, Andrew." "And I you, my love.
But... we mustn't rush things now. Let me have  time to convince myself this is
not just a dream..." "You... you won't... come up with me?" he asked almost
stupefied. "No, not now, not today. Now we know, so we don't need to hurry. Even
if I wanted us to consummate our love straight away, I think it would be better
to wait, to give to each other little by little. Today our emotions would be too
violent - today I would think just of my happiness when what I want is to make
you happy." "Yes. As usual, you are right. Although I'm older than you, you are
more mature. But... for months I've wanted to tell you something about the  urge
in my chest, in my lips: to say I love you, I love you, I love you! And at last I
can say it to you without fear." With my fingers I brushed his cheek, then his
lips and murmured: "I too love you Ben. I love you, and desire you and need you!"
We embraced and kissed again. Then he parted from me, slowly, and reluctantly,
and said: "Let's go out. We have to celebrate." "Yes, that's a good idea. Where
want you go?" "I don't know. Just let's take my car and drive..."

A strange period now started: where we both burned with desire but both held
back. We caressed and kissed each other, but, despite the fact that passion was
devouring us, we didn't carry out the ultimate expression of our love. However
our intimacy grew step by step until  one day when we were alone and embracing, I
said: "Ben, I can't resist any more... please..." He sweetly smiled, put a finger
on my lips and said: "Not yet, my love. Be patient until Monday..." "Until
Monday? That's four days yet? But why Monday? What happens on Monday?" "Just be
free on Monday. Tuesday as well, if you can..." "Where are we going?" "That's a
surprise. But you'll see that it was worth waiting for; at least, I hope so."
"All right. But we'd better stop cuddling otherwise I won't be responsible for my
actions." He smiled and left me on my own.

The next four days went by so slowly... But finally Monday came and we went off.
He drove out of London, towards Canterbury. Arrived at Sittingbourne, he turned
left and, two miles later, drove onto and along a small earthen track. Finally he
stopped the car in front of a small, elegant building dating back to the end of
the 1800's. "Here we are, my love." "What's that? Where are we?" I asked with
curiosity, "Who lives here?" "Such a lot of question! It's one of our cottages.
My grand father had it built for him. Then, when he died it remained closed. In
the last few  days I've had it cleaned and refurnished: it will be our nest, our
home, yours and mine only. Come in, my love."

We entered. It was really beautiful, furnished in a delightful way. He took me on
a guided tour, holding my hand. Finally only one room remained to see, one on the
first floor. As we reached the door of this room he stopped and said: "Could I
carry you into this room...." I understood and answered: "What are you waiting
for?" He lifted me up until I was cradled in his arms and then carried me over
the threshold. He deposed me onto the large bed that was in the room  and fell
upon me. We hugged each other tightly, started to caress and  kiss. Little by
little we undressed each other, our caresses becoming  more and more intimate
until we both felt ready and we coupled without restraint, without hesitation or
limits. For the first time I saw his naked body: it appeared to me to be as
beautiful as the sun. It was a feast for all my senses: my eyes glided insatiably
over his perfect form, my hands touching his silken body, first lightly then
frenzied. My ears rejoiced at the sound of his warm,  sensual voice, his light
but unequivocally male perfume intoxicated me and the taste of him filled  my
eager mouth.

It had been worth the effort to wait, to hold back, and then finally be able to
experience such intense and magic moments. That miracle had happened, the one
that occurs when two persons share love and friendship, affection and sex,
strength and weakness, passion and tenderness - a miracle so splendid and rare,
that made two beings become one. That miracle that make you forget time and space
so that  only the two of you exist - united in a unique, marvellous, sweet
reality.

We spent two idyllic days when the moments of uniting in love alternated with
others when we went for long walks, prepared food,  read or listened to music
from the radio or the gramophone,  but we always were lost in each other.

As we left the cottage to go back to London, Ben said: "It doesn't yet have a
name: will you give it one?" I thought for a moment than suggested: "Sunshine
Hut. Because you are my sun..." "And you are my shining boy: so we are both in
the name."  Ben completed the sentence as he started his car.

But the surprises were not over yet. When we arrived back in London, Ben drove to
Cadogan Lane, a road that was almost halfway between my house and his palace. He
stopped and we got out of the car. We entered a front door, and went up to the
first floor. Ben took out a key and holding it out to me said: "Open that door."
We entered a small apartment. The rooms were empty. "This is my gift. You can
furnish how you like. This will be our city refuge. Do you like it?" "But, Ben...
don't you think it's a bit much?" "No. It's good to have a space here in the
city, one just for you and me.  And I want you to furnish this, as I furnished
the other. I'll arrange for you to meet a friend of mine, an interior designer.
You tell him what you want and he will sort it out. And don't worry about the
cost. Do you like it?" "It's beautiful. But I... I... I have nothing to give
you..." "Foolish boy! You have yourself and you've given me an invaluable gift:
your love and yourself." "But you gave me the same so we are not even..."
"Listen: if you gave me one thousand million pounds, and I gave you the same sum,
but ten pence more, would you say that my gift was bigger than yours?" I laughed.
"Ben, oh Ben! You make everything seem so simple..." "Hurrah! for once it's my
turn to be right!" Ben merrily answered and shut my mouth with passionate kiss.

So, when I finally finished  furnishing the apartment, I fetched Ben and led him
in. He loved very much what I'd done with the rooms and we  inaugurated it as we
had done for the cottage, but this time it was me that carried him over the
threshold into the bedroom!

The same year Ben gave me another important gift: my family from Italy was
considered an exile and because I had not obeyed a call for conscription, was
considered a deserter. Therefore dad applied for  British citizenship, but the
application was proceeding very slowly. Thanks to the intervention of Ben, on the
18th of March, 1938, we were granted British Citizenship and we renounced our
Italian one.